


One Day at a Time

by hopelessly_me



Category: Marvel
Genre: Gen, Hurt Bucky, Hurt Clint, M/M, Swimming Pool, They were married, all the feels, approaching storm, heartbroken bucky, mandatory fun day back fill, memory loss clint, supportive bucky, timid clint, winter soldier clint, worried Bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22133380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopelessly_me/pseuds/hopelessly_me
Summary: Bucky knows what it's like to be taken apart and having to pick the pieces back up. He also knows what it feels like to be the Winter Soldier. So who else would have been better to help Clint recover from his time as the Winter Soldier? The problem was- it broke Bucky's heart every step of the way.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Comments: 19
Kudos: 138
Collections: Mandatory Fun Day





	One Day at a Time

Bucky watched out the window and he honestly had no idea what to do anymore. He knew what he should do, what Clint’s therapist would have said to do, but he knew Clint would hate him for it. He should drag Clint inside, force him to wear his hearing aids and talk it out. Face the facts, deal with the emotions in a healthier way, and let it all ride out.

But three days into this vacation, this escape, and he was considering calling Fury, requesting a therapist to come and deal with this because Bucky wasn’t strong enough to. He wasn’t able to force anything on Clint when he knew it would just hurt Clint more in the long run. But Clint was still eerily quiet, eerily still, and still had that haunted look in his eyes that Bucky knew all too well.

Clint had been missing for three very long years. It was after a mission where a HYDRA base was taken out, but it also took Clint out. No one took it harder than Natasha and Bucky. Clint and Natasha were best friends, confidants, and shared a bond that no one could really understand. Bucky took it hard because if it wasn’t for his need, his desire, to take down everything that was HYDRA, Clint would have remained with the team, would have been the same obnoxious, delightful asshole that he had always been. The team suffered a huge blow that day, and Bucky would never forgive himself for it.

And then just four months ago, Clint was seen again, but the moment the team saw him on the video clip, Bucky’s heart stopped. Everything felt too close, so familiar, and he couldn’t stop himself from shaking. They had taken Clint, they had morphed him into the very thing Clint despised, the thing he had worked so hard to rip out of Bucky to help him feel whole again; they had morphed Clint into someone no one on the team could recognize anymore. HYDRA had mentioned they wanted their Winter Soldier back, and if they couldn’t have Bucky, they found someone else to carry the torch.

Steve had gone through it all before, the whole team had. They knew was it was like taking on the Winter Soldier, and they knew it was going to be a hard fought battle to get Clint back. They had to reach out to T’Challa, enlist the help of the Wakandans if they had any hopes of pulling Clint back from HYDRA's grasp. And it was a painfully slow process. 

HYDRA couldn’t use a serum, they didn’t _have_ a serum to work with. But they didn’t need one, not with Clint. All they needed to do was turn his mind to mush, rip out everything that made Clint who he was and leave a blank shell behind to do their bidding. Clint didn’t need superhuman strength and endurance- Clint had years of training, of practice, and his survival skills that were embedded into every fiber of his being. Even without the serum, Clint was a very dangerous, skilled man who had all those qualities amplified through the vicious HYDRA reprogramming efforts.

Putting Clint back together wasn’t an easy task. Shuri did everything to make sure the trigger words were removed, but that was only the tip of the iceberg. Clint couldn’t remember them, didn’t trust them, and for the first few weeks Clint would react violently any time Bucky was near. Shuri assured them that as soon as Clint was able to heal, recover from the trauma, that things would start sliding back into place, just like they had for Bucky.

The problem was, Clint couldn’t stay in Wakanda. The technology made him uneasy, the guards, the foreign language, the easy access to weapons made him flinch back, his nails digging painfully into his palms until they bled. So they had to develop a new plan and take him to a new place. A limited range of technology that didn’t make Clint uneasy, a place where access to weapons was very limited. Most of all, they had to allow him to stay at a place that was safe, where he could take his hearing aids out and get lost in the moment.

After a month, a therapist wasn’t working. Fury figured it wouldn’t- Clint was never a fan of them to begin with. But after having someone in your head twice in your lifetime, twice being controlled by an outside source, Clint only viewed the therapy sessions as a threat. That’s when Steve suggested Clint and Bucky spend more time together. Bucky intimately knew how Clint was feeling, what he had gone through, what they had made him do. And Bucky knew that sometimes you just needed a day where you didn’t have to talk to anyone.

Bucky could feel the tension building around Clint when their safe house became not so safe and they had to go back to the Tower, back to the noises, the stares, the longing looks from Natasha. He could see the way Clint’s muscles tightened and stayed that way for a few minutes before he would force himself to relax them. Most importantly, he could see the way being close to the team again was making him close off, build up the walls Bucky had been patiently helping Clint tear down, and become still again. Bucky knew he had to find a way to get Clint away, and everyone was supportive of that.

Maybe most days Clint was still more Soldier than he was himself. Most days Clint couldn’t find the energy to fake being someone else and would sit blankly, observing everything around him with a distrustful eye. His muscles would twitch at every noise, every movement, and his eyes would narrow to assess the situation and formulate a plan before he could realize that he was safe now, that he didn’t have to be that person anymore. But then there were days where he would remember something and would be so excited that Bucky was sure he would launch himself into a heart attack or stroke; Bucky lived for the few days where there was a glimmer of Clint.

But it was day three of sheer silence and it was raining out; Clint was still sitting poolside, his feet dangled in and his head bowed. He had been that way for damn close to two hours now and Bucky was woefully unprepared with how to deal with the situation. At the first rumble of thunder, however, Bucky couldn’t hold out any longer. If there was a storm, Clint was in a dangerous position and Bucky didn’t care if Clint got mad, fought to get away- Bucky wasn’t willing to allow Clint sit through a dangerous situation.

Bucky made his way outside and jumped into the pool in front of Clint and forced him to look at Bucky. Clint shivered against the touch before his eyes started to tear up. Bucky lost his breath for a moment before he pulled Clint a little closer, clutching him as Clint seemed to snap out of his head and the emotions took over. It was painful to watch Clint break apart at the seam, to feel the way his body was shaking, his chest heave. In a way, it was breaking Bucky apart too.

Bucky heard another rumble of thunder, this time closer, and he knew they had to move. Bucky pulled himself out of the pool and eased Clint up as well. Clint nearly collapsed his whole body weight against Bucky, though he did attempt to walk it out with Bucky, even if it was slow. It wasn’t until they were inside, water dripping off of them that Bucky felt safe enough to turn and hug Clint tightly.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Clint mumbled several times over, his voice growing weaker each time the words came out.

Bucky had to force him into bringing his eyes up off the floor. _It’s okay. You are okay. You are here. Wet clothes. Need to change_ he signed rapidly, needing to spell it all out before Clint would look away.

Clint numbly nodded in agreement, stripping off his soaked clothing and teetered his way to the bedroom. Bucky tried not to stare at the leaned body, look at the new scars he hadn’t ever noticed before. There was one particularly nasty scar on his left hip that made a rage start to build under the surface, and Bucky knew he had to swallow it down before he did something he would regret. Instead, Bucky followed behind him, shedding his own clothing so he could find something dry and warm to change into.

Once in clothes, Bucky peeked into Clint’s room. Clint stared at the suitcase and shivered before he forced himself to dress, every move slow, calculated, and Bucky was scared he was going to get back in his head again. Clint’s fingers flexed before Bucky watched him look at the notebook they had brought. Writing it all down had helped Bucky, so Bucky was hoping it would help Clint.

“Bucky,” Clint whispered. “I can’t hear-”

Bucky moved closer and reached into Clint’s drawer and pulled out a set of hearing aids. He knew they weren’t Clint’s favorites- Clint preferred his thicker ones, the two toned purple ones Tony had specifically made just for him that had black arrows etched into them. At least, those were the ones Pre-soldier Clint loved the most; post-soldier Clint didn’t seem to have a preference yet, agreeing to whatever was handed to him without a second thought. Pre-soldier Clint would have whined at the small purple discs being handed to him, stating how those were mission aids, not every day aids; post-soldier Clint just looked down at Bucky’s hand wordlessly.

Clint hesitated before he picked them up and slotted them into his ears, the smallest whimper escaping his lips that broke Bucky just a little bit more. Clint took a few slow, deep breaths, was evening himself out before he turned around. The haunted look was gone for the moment, nor was there a blank stare. Clint looked hesitantly, scared, but he looked like he needed to talk.

“It’s okay,” Bucky assured him gently. “Whatever it is… whatever you remember, or think you remember… we can process this.”

“I don’t know if you can,” Clint replied softly. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“What do you mean?” It was an odd statement, one of the stranger ones Clint has spoken over the last two months.

Clint swallowed hard and angled himself away from Bucky for a moment before he stepped closer, unsure of himself. He looked down, Clint’s hands reaching out and touching Bucky’s gently, thumbing at the plates on his metal hand. When those blue eyes looked up, Bucky held his breath because for the first time in years, he finally saw a little piece of Clint he had been missing and it _hurt_.

“What are we?” he asked. “We are something. We were something.” Clint’s voice broke at the words.

Bucky let go off his breath and he couldn’t hold back the tears that were forming. “Clint-”

This was off script and Bucky wasn’t sure how to handle it. He wanted Clint back, wanted to tell him everything they had become and more. He wanted to show him the photos of them together on different date nights, the video of Clint proposing in the most Barton way possible, and the video of them awkwardly trying to feed the other cake on their wedding day while angling their heads as far away from the other as possible. But he didn’t want to force it on Clint, didn’t want Clint to think he had to live up to be that person anymore. This was a new life for him, and it was filled with new possibilities, new outcomes. Bucky wanted to be part of that story again, but only if Clint actually wanted it. And god did Bucky hope he wanted it.

Clint chewed on his lip. “You had a ring.”

“You used to, too,” Bucky answered gently.

Clint squeezed his eyes shut and rocked back for a moment before he careened forward, his head knocking into Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky threw his arms around Clint quickly, holding them both upright as Clint struggled to keep his breathing in check. Bucky gasped for some air and looked up at the ceiling, one of his hands tracing up Clint’s back and landing on the back of Clint’s neck, trying to soothe him.

It felt like the minutes were ticking away slowly, Clint not making an attempt to move as he processed the new information. Bucky supported him, his thumb rubbing at Clint’s nape gently as he stood there silently. 

“I want to make it right again,” Clint whispered, turning his head. “I want to make it right again, but I don’t know how.”

“We will figure it out as we go,” Bucky promised, trying not to sound too excited, too rushed. “We don’t have to rush it. We can take it slow. One day at a time.”

“One day at a time,” Clint agreed.

**Author's Note:**

> So the problem with writing this short fic about Winter Soldier Clint is that... now I want to write a longer Winter Soldier Clint fic. I hope you enjoyed! =)


End file.
